Thursday, September 28, 2006

If muzlims took baths...

If muzlims took baths, how would their fleas defend themselves?

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

News blurbs!

My usual k'vetches:
Solution to illegal immigration: shoot them.
Solution to muzlims: shoot them.
Solution to idiots in the White House and their fellow anti-semites: Guess! (big happy grin)

Other stuff:Thai coup:

What is the media leaving out? Adrian Paul, of the Highlander, was filming there when it happened. He sent word to his fan club: "There are tens of thousands peacefully demonstrating also all over the country but that isn't really shown because it isn't news. "

The news from those who live there is, "I was in Bangkok during the coup and didn't even know anything was happening." It's not a big deal. The people were wanting something to shake up their country and create change. Perhaps this will do the trick.

What I think? Hey dudes! Go for it!

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Carmel Apples and Witches in the Sky!

A wonderful cool breeze blew through the car window while I sat in the Walmart parking lot munching on a delicious caramel apple topped with nuts. MMMMMM.... delicious! The feeling of Fall, the taste of my caramel apple and the thought of October, made the thanks to Hashem pour from sticky mouth for my favourite time of year.

October is the greatest month there is! It's my birthday month! I was born three days shy of being a goblin and I celebrate all 31 days! It's when Fall arrives! And best of all! Even better than my birthday is - Halloween!!!! All month long Disney Channel will air Halloween shows!!!! I'll read every R. L. Stine book I can get my hands on of the Nightmare Room! I'll loose sleep from staying up reading and not care! I love October!!!!!

I don't care what anyone says about Halloween, I'm with Stine, it's the coolest holiday! It's full of everything funny and frightening! Cool candy! Crazy costumes! Pumpkins!!!!! Who can't enjoy the sight of a carved pumpkin???!!!! I love it!!!! It's a chance to shrink back and be a kid again! Not that I ever quit.

Anyway, while I was enjoying my tastee caramel covered apple, the sky suddenly became dark. The wind began to howl. I looked up as the black clouds moved in. They formed the scariest shapes I had ever seen in my life. One looked like bill clinton! One like hilary! The horror of it all!!!! How dare those freaking liberals invade my beloved day!!!! Then the worst of all appeared! Making Halloween seem like sissy stuff! It was her! She-who-must-not-be-named! The disgrace to all that's good! The insult to her son's memory! It was.....oh dare I say it......Moonbat Sheehan flying through the sky on a bat!

The wicked witch of the west, flying on her trusty steed across the Ohio River. Quick! Someone shoot her! Where's a dang redneck when you need one??????? Curse you lazy rednecks!!!

I imagine tonight I'll have nightmares from the experience. Not even Stine's Nightmare Room has dreamed of anything so horrid in the skies. Alas, I shall eat another caramel covered apple and console my virgin eyes by watching countless hours of The Fairly Odd Parent's "Scary Oddparents!" to prepare me for October and another fun Halloween.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

AM Thoughts or When Will the Caffeine Finally Kick In?

Little Bindi did an amazing job at her daddy's memorial service. Such an incredible job would naturally lead a flake to step out, like Alison Garten, to begin warning of the possible development of a "psycho Hollywood kids gone bad" child. Obviously, Garten doesn't have a clue about Bindi's upbringing, like the fact she's being raised in a zoo, not Hollywood with a bunch of idiot kids who are hooked on materialism and trying to make a name for themselves no matter what it takes. Terri Irwin is not mommy dearest. She's a very protective mother who is not going to put her kids in situations they aren't interested in.

So to Garten, Bindi will take her father's position when she comes of age. She'll do an outstanding job, as will little Bob. She might even have her own shows on Animal Planet! But, unlike you, she'll never be psycho, because she's surrounded by over 500 very protective loving people who have helped raise her since she was born.

As for Jean-Michel Cousteau. You may not agree with the Croc Hunter's approach to wildlife, but you know what? When you die, no one will mourn except your immediate family. Little kids won't sit in the tub with their toy crocs and cry. They've learned nothing about nature from you. The Croc Hunter taught them to not be so afraid of things that look scary and to have a deep love and passion for nature. You're life hasn't changed the world.

So while you're bragging that you're still alive because you're afraid to touch animals, consider that.

(yo yawns and saunters off for another cuppa tea.)

Monday, September 18, 2006

Willie on drugs!

"Drugs have made me the (wo)man I am today!"

Headline-Minis and a Quote!

Tucker on MSNBC to Madonna: "You're old! Go away!"


Headlines: Muzlum-butts angry at pope.

Yo: So? What's new?

Headlines: Israeli Troops to Leave Lebanon by Weekend.

Yo: Idiots. Cowards. Butt-kissers.

Headlines: pal-uh-stin-eee-uns support for hamas drops.

YO: Meaningless. Any minute now, the headlines will read the opposite.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Steve's Opinion of Muzlims

"Arabs? Humph! They can bite my litterbox! What if we cats acted like those weirdos every time you humans insult us? Huh? Huh? Well...I tell you what! You're legs would be smeared with blood from my lovely claws ripping through your flesh. Your furniture would look like giant cotton balls and your bed would be my litterbox.

Lucky you, unlike arabs, we have class. Well, except for that guy behind me. Mommie ticked him off, now she must pay."

Friday, September 15, 2006

The man! My little tribute.

I'm frequently asked why I've never married. My response, much to the irritation of any male in the vacinity of my voice is, I've never met a man. Little boys, morons, pompous asses, weak-kneed yellow-bellied saps, a few homos, but not a man. That statement isn't entirely true. I've met two in my 6 weeks shy of 46 years and they were married and really old! One was my grandfather and the other was Rabbi Shmuel Wudowsky.

Rabbi Wudowsky was the coolest rabbi I've ever met. He was a great teacher and a firm believer in there being such a thing as a stupid question. Any student who sat under him can verify he wasn't shy about letting you know if you'd asked one! What is a stupid question? Not thinking about what you want to ask before you ask it. His point? Use your brain. Pay attention, because 90% of the questions asked were already answered in the lecture and you would have noticed if you were paying attention.

Elisabeth Elliot once said, "If you make a person think they're thinking - they'll love you. If you make a person think - they'll hate you." If ever a statement fit a man, it was him. R' Wudowsky had little patience with those who preferred to let others do their thinking for them. A lot of girls couldn't stand him for it. The rest of us loved him for it. It's one of the things that made him a great teacher.


It wasn't always easy to get on his good side, and for me it happened completely by accident or perhaps it's because I'm a freak. You see, CH operates by whenever I get there, I'm there. I, on the other hand, believe you're late for class if you arrive 10 minutes early. So, I usually arrived at school 30 minutes before it opened and would sit on the steps and review my lessons. R' Wudowsky also believed in arriving early and would sit in his car and daven.

Before long, R' Wudowsky took notice of my habit. One day I was late. I arrived just as he was walking up the steps. He looked down the steps at me and said matter of factly, "You're late!" I grinned and from then on it became a quiet competition to see who could arrive first. If I beat him, he would look out his car window and grin. If he beat me, I got a "shame on you" headshake.

This somehow lead to him asking me if I had a shadchan. I said no. He told me he wanted to take me on and to give him a call when I was ready. His wife was shocked. He had quit being a shadchan and was turning down everyone who asked. Now I was shocked, and felt deeply humbled and honoured.

Shortly thereafter, his heart began giving him trouble again. Then came the worst day of 5760. It was vav Tishrei and I sat waiting and waiting on the steps for R' Wudowsky to show. It was now past time for the school to open. Some twenty minutes later someone arrived with the news - R' Wudowsky had passed on.

Machon Chana was never the same after that. His absence showed who the strength of the school was - it was him. He left behind a wonderful legacy and the girls who never got to sit under him have been greatly cheated in their learning.

So ends my salute to the great one! Have a good shabbos everyone!